Heartsick

 

The stories that didn’t make sense.

The missed appointments.

The unreturned calls.

The arguments.

The excuses and lies. Oh, the lies.

 

The unexplainable notion that something wasn’t right.

But, she couldn’t explain it.

The way she always tried to fix it all.

Only left her without hope.

Her intuition had no words, just tears.

And it changed her.

 

Hope deferred.

You know it makes the heart sick.

 

The ache makes your chest hollow.

Sleepless nights trying to make things right.

It affected her in ways she never realized.

 

Decades later, not much has changed.

The lies still reverberate.

The pain still stings.

And she still tries to fix it all.

A child should never have to pay for adult choices.

But, they do.

And she still does.

 

Hope deferred.

You know it makes the heart sick.

 

What you learn as a child, shapes you as an adult.

She learned and saw so many things…

You can’t ‘un’see things.

People can’t be trusted.

She has to fight for herself.

 

How do you fix something that’s been broken for so long?

The little girl who saw and heard so much.

She’s longing for peace.

She knows a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.

The tree of life she’s in search of has no roots.

It was buried in shallow soil of brokenness and shame.

Bitterness and pain grew in its place.

 

She still tries to fix things.

And all she has is broken shards which have left their bloody mark.

Hope deferred…heartsick.