Not For the Faint of Heart

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He holds on tightly to his yellow #2 like it’s his life line. His eyes focused intensely on his math problems. Silence. When he finishes his 3 pages, he looks up, towards me, but never connecting his soul windows with mine.

“Mom…are you mad at me?”

“No, baby. Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because you yelled….at Callie.” His little heart aching and his mind not understanding.

“I didn’t yell, Sean. I raised my voice the 5th time I asked Callie to get her work done. She was goofing off and not being serious about her school work.”

“But it felt like you yelled at me.” This time his and my sea blue eyes meet and a wave of emotion knocks me down.

I let the tears roll. So does he. Callie is watching all of this transpire. I feel like a failure. Sean is heart broken. And Callie is finally doing her work. For goodness sakes…

My kids are so different. And they need to be parented differently.

Sean is tenderhearted and looking at him the wrong way elicits a meltdown. I can totally relate.

Callie is my firecracker. She is fierce and determined. A natural born leader. And she will argue with me or you or anyone willing to get into the ring until she gets you to say yes to something. Anything.

And honestly, it wears me out sometimes.

One of my biggest fears as a mom is crushing my children’s spirits. I want to shepherd their hearts and love them according to their bent or temperamental God-given design.

And sometimes, when I do this, one of them will get caught up in the aftermath of a parenting tornado as I try to think quickly on my feet and utter the prayer of my friend Peter, “HELP!”

Can you relate?!

Being a mom is by far the hardest and most amazing calling I’ve ever accepted. I know I won’t get it all right, but I pray I am humble enough to apologize and ask for forgiveness when I’m wrong. I also pray I am firm enough with my children, yet shepherd their hearts so they can grow and develop their own God-given ways.

And if not, Sean will keep me straight…or at least we can cry together! HA!