Not For the Faint of Heart

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He holds on tightly to his yellow #2 like it’s his life line. His eyes focused intensely on his math problems. Silence. When he finishes his 3 pages, he looks up, towards me, but never connecting his soul windows with mine.

“Mom…are you mad at me?”

“No, baby. Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because you yelled….at Callie.” His little heart aching and his mind not understanding.

“I didn’t yell, Sean. I raised my voice the 5th time I asked Callie to get her work done. She was goofing off and not being serious about her school work.”

“But it felt like you yelled at me.” This time his and my sea blue eyes meet and a wave of emotion knocks me down.

I let the tears roll. So does he. Callie is watching all of this transpire. I feel like a failure. Sean is heart broken. And Callie is finally doing her work. For goodness sakes…

My kids are so different. And they need to be parented differently.

Sean is tenderhearted and looking at him the wrong way elicits a meltdown. I can totally relate.

Callie is my firecracker. She is fierce and determined. A natural born leader. And she will argue with me or you or anyone willing to get into the ring until she gets you to say yes to something. Anything.

And honestly, it wears me out sometimes.

One of my biggest fears as a mom is crushing my children’s spirits. I want to shepherd their hearts and love them according to their bent or temperamental God-given design.

And sometimes, when I do this, one of them will get caught up in the aftermath of a parenting tornado as I try to think quickly on my feet and utter the prayer of my friend Peter, “HELP!”

Can you relate?!

Being a mom is by far the hardest and most amazing calling I’ve ever accepted. I know I won’t get it all right, but I pray I am humble enough to apologize and ask for forgiveness when I’m wrong. I also pray I am firm enough with my children, yet shepherd their hearts so they can grow and develop their own God-given ways.

And if not, Sean will keep me straight…or at least we can cry together! HA!

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Comments

  1. I relate my Carlee is like your Callie it gets exhausting and I fear I will break her spirit somedays I feel likehiding my head under my covers and not being mom but through all of my mistakes she loves her imperfect mom and Callie loves you too!

  2. Oh, Lizzie! You know I can completely relate. And yet, I have been amazed at the grace that my kids show me- and how quick they are to forget the raised voices and quick to remember the safe place of my hugs. You are exactly the mom God knew Callie and Sean needed. Love you, friend!! Oh, how I would love to sit down for a nice long chat. Miss you!

  3. This is such a good reminder. There is no “one size fits all” parenting guide for sure. Each temperament requires different handling. I read once that we should put mirrors on our kids’ foreheads so we could see what we look like to them when we are “parenting”. yikes! I have a vein that sticks out on my forehead when I yell that I’m sure is pretty scary! lol
    Happy New Year friend! You are a great mama!

  4. LIZZIE! I can totally relate to this poST. Being a mom is the greatest joy that comes packaged with the most challenges. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO REAL AND TRANSPARENT IN YOUR POST! I have been praying to find the right balance between teaching both my girls responsibility and not stressing them out :)! Abigail is almost 13 and at a different stage with different needs and it is challeging . Like yOu I dont want to crush their beautiful spirits while dealing with the fleshly nature we all have…hugs and blessings! ANGIE

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