Heartsick

 

The stories that didn’t make sense.

The missed appointments.

The unreturned calls.

The arguments.

The excuses and lies. Oh, the lies.

 

The unexplainable notion that something wasn’t right.

But, she couldn’t explain it.

The way she always tried to fix it all.

Only left her without hope.

Her intuition had no words, just tears.

And it changed her.

 

Hope deferred.

You know it makes the heart sick.

 

The ache makes your chest hollow.

Sleepless nights trying to make things right.

It affected her in ways she never realized.

 

Decades later, not much has changed.

The lies still reverberate.

The pain still stings.

And she still tries to fix it all.

A child should never have to pay for adult choices.

But, they do.

And she still does.

 

Hope deferred.

You know it makes the heart sick.

 

What you learn as a child, shapes you as an adult.

She learned and saw so many things…

You can’t ‘un’see things.

People can’t be trusted.

She has to fight for herself.

 

How do you fix something that’s been broken for so long?

The little girl who saw and heard so much.

She’s longing for peace.

She knows a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.

The tree of life she’s in search of has no roots.

It was buried in shallow soil of brokenness and shame.

Bitterness and pain grew in its place.

 

She still tries to fix things.

And all she has is broken shards which have left their bloody mark.

Hope deferred…heartsick.

 

 

The Mirror Doesn’t Lie

The Mirror Doesn’t Lie

I knew she was smart and strong.

But now, I see just how so.

Her work ethic rivaled many.

She wasn’t perfect. But then again, who is. 

She led by example, and didn’t mince words.

She loved us with a deep love and still does.

I believe she’s an artist even though she would disagree.

Her hands created and shaped many masterpieces. 

Including me and my sister.

The mirror doesn’t lie.

I look like her.

And, sometimes, I sound like her. 

I stop dead in my tracks and shake my head. 

That was mama coming out of my mouth. 

I know she won’t live forever, but I enjoy every visit, phone call, and text.

She will always be my mother and a mother’s love will live in my heart forever.

 

 

 

Seekers are Never Satisfied

Her soul is always thirsty.

Restless.

Dust never settles under her feet.

Curious.

There is more to learn and understand.

Misunderstood.

Answers will come.

Water for her parched soul.

Peace.

Soon follows.

Now she sees dimly.

For she knows there is more to find.

Seekers are never satisfied.

Not in this world, that is.

There will always be more.

Until her soul is one with her Maker.

Then will she rest eternally.

In Him.

Until then, she will choose joy.

For joy has to be chosen.

It is fleeting.

But, always ready to be found.

She only has to seek it.

Seek and she shall find.

Seekers are never satisfied.

For she will keep searching.

Even though she knows she is found.

There is always more.

Another layer.

Deeper.

More still.

To see.

To learn.

To feel.

To smell.

To touch.

To know.

To experience.

To love.

To live.

Full and free with passion.

Seekers are never satisfied.

Today, His presence is enough.

He knows her.

He sees her.

He loves her.

He seeks her.

He understands her.

That is enough.

And the seeker can rest.

Lay it all down.

Surrender.

She is found.

Tomorrow is a new day.

To drink of His infinite grace and mercy.

To seek joy.

To seek peace.

To seek love.

His steadfast love never ceases.

His mercies never end and are new every morning.

Great, great, great.

Is His faithfulness.

Until then she will seek Him daily.

For only in Him is she satisfied.

Endless

 

Endless panic.

Clinging to fear and sorting through racing thoughts.

Trusting in me and my strength.

Seeking and searching for answers.

Needing solutions more than Him.

Then it hits me like a ton of bricks.

That my heart and my future rest in Him.

The panic melts away and peace flows in like a wild raging river, sweeping away all the doubt.

I have not because I ask not.

Seek Him and I will find Him, The Answer.

Trusting the Truth I know to be my strength.

Letting go and surrendering to Him.

Endless possibilities …