Rainbow infused cichlids swim laps while the algae eater noshes on the side of the tank. The only sound this morning is the gurgling that cheers them on as they do what they do best, swim and eat.
My babies, those who helped me earn the mama badge, are sleeping in my bed this morning, on the eve of Mother’s Day. Daddy’s 4am alarm clock wakes them some mornings and they are a welcome addition to my King size dream machine.
I sit at the kitchen table and type these words on a screen. The 1st cup of coffee is working its magic and I am thinking clearly.
But there have been many times when I haven’t thought so clearly as a mother…
Like when my son wanted to eat every 2 hours for the first 6 months of his life. I was a walking zombie. I don’t remember much of that season other than I was always sleepy, hungry, and irritable. Sleep deprivation is my kryptonite. He finally started sleeping past 6am when he was about 4 years old. It was better than winning the mega-millions.
And when we brought my first-born home from the hospital. We didn’t know what the heck we were doing. But she turned out just fine. Due to a later diagnosed tongue thrust issue, she never latched on securely enough to nurse, so I pumped for 14 months. Wow. So do not even want to think about that. She looks more like her daddy, but she acts just like me. I don’t know how my parents did it at times. But, I am so glad they did.
Or when we decided it was best to bring our daughter home for school. I was desperately clinging to Jesus for answers. And after 3 weeks of desperation, peace washed over me and I knew what He was calling us to do. 7 months later, we are all still alive and Callie hasn’t fired me…yet!
Oh yeah, and the time when Anthony worked night shift for almost 3 years when my littles were really little. I felt like a single mother 2 weeks out of every month. All my dear husband had time for was work and sleep. I couldn’t blame him, but I am sure I did. I know I was mad and he was the reason. My dream machine had 3 riders on the nights he worked. When he finally went back to days and the fog lifted, we were stronger as a couple than we had ever been, but the journey was not blissful.
I don’t think either of us were thinking very clearly during those almost 3 years. We call it the “season of fog”. I am so grateful the fog has ascended and clarity has returned.
Speaking of weather and fog and storms, parenting and being a mother reminds me sometimes of living in the eye of the hurricane. The world and things that happen every day rage on. As a mom, I want to safeguard my megamillions, my kids, from that world. They are worth everything to me. I will do whatever it takes to keep them safe. But, that doesn’t mean they won’t get hurt or feel pain. They most certainly will.
That’s why I believe the most important gift I can give my children this day and everyday is my time. My presence. Myself. It is a precious sacrifice that I pour out everyday.
It reminds me of my sweet Jesus. He doesn’t want anything I can give Him. He wants me. My time. My presence. He just wants to be with me, foggy headed or not!
Everyday at our house is mother’s day. Everyday is spent with the ones I love. Everyday I choose how I spend my time. I never get it perfectly right, but all my kids want is me and I always have that to give them, clearheaded or not!
As I hit the publish button and shut down my laptop, I want to wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day, today and every day.
Much love to you all.